


Sad embrace

by Idjit_01



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel Makes a Deal with The Shadow (Supernatural), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Dean Winchester, M/M, Miscommunication, Sad Ending, Season/Series 15 Spoilers, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:35:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25215598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idjit_01/pseuds/Idjit_01
Summary: The last few years had been very hard on Dean.He was... Drained. Burned out.Because even though Cas and him had made up in their second round in Purgatory, he was never around anymore. It looked like he was avoiding him and Dean just couldn't understand whyOR the time in season 15 (before Jack gets his soul back) that Cas avoids Dean after his apology on Purgatory because of his deal with the Empty and Dean tries to confront him about it.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 41





	Sad embrace

The last few years had been really hard on Dean. 

Since Sam's temporary death when he threw himself into the pit, it had been non-stop. Sam's soullessness, Naomi, Crowley, Abbadon, Leviathans, Purgatory, the Mark of Cain, Metatron, the British Men of Letters, Lucifer, the whole Jack ordeal, Michael and now God. 

He was... Drained. Burned out. Exhausted: physically, emotionally exhausted. But he couldn't rest. The world was always ending and he just couldn't let that happen. For Sammy, for humanity, whatever. It just wasn't an option.

And now it was worse than ever. Because he could tell that Sam was in the brink of giving up. Because Jack was always gonna be soulless. Because even though Cas and him had made up in their second round in Purgatory, he was never around anymore. It looked like Cas was avoiding him and Dean just couldn't understand why.

Dean went into the kitchen to take another beer from the fridge. If he couldn't rest, at least he could pretend to still his mind for a while by getting hammered. 

He was craving something. He couldn't tell what. He just needed... Something. That was out of reach. 

He thought about going out, fucking someone. He could be back soon and it wasn't as if Sam would mind. The world wouldn't end just because he took a few hours for himself right? He probably just need a warm body and then he would be fine. Produce some oxytocin (he blamed Sam for knowing about the hormone), some endorphins and be on his way. 

He would probably be more productive that way, right?

He didn't bother to change though he was pretty sure he hadn't in a few days. Time was confusing when everything was grim. He took the keys to his Baby, which of course was in perfect shape, because no matter if he was dying he wouldn't let anything bad happen to her, and tried to drive his doubts about his plan away.

It only seemed to fuel his crippling anxiety. How he was out there, doing _nothing_ when he should be finding a way to defeat God. 

That's how he didn't last fifteen minutes in the road before he parked in front of a decent-looking bar.

The bartender was nice enough, but obviously not interested in guys by the way she was flirting with the blonde a few stools away from him. She didn't even looked twice at him. Just kept attending to her duties, running whenever she could to the blonde, who never stopped looking at her.

Her staring reminded him of someone else. Reminded him of Cas. He would never admit it, but God, he missed Cas's intense glare. He had apologized, by wasn't everything fine again? Why wasn't it like before? 

Why was Cas avoiding him? Had he revealed too much in Purgatory? Did Cas know...?

Dean took a deep breath, shaking his head out of that unwanted trail of thought. Took the glass, eyes closed, and tried to take a swig.

It was empty. 

"Another." He growled, too tired to just signal the bartender. He tried to ground himself, just as he had seen Sammy do, taking deep breaths, listening to the sound of the beer clashing with the crappy overused glass, looking around the bar. 

He squinted suddenly, thinking to have seen a familiar trenchcoat topped with almost-black hair. Before he could check properly though a redhead sat beside him looking at him with fire in her eyes. 

"Hi, sweetie." He said, trying to want to actually try to be with her. "Can I buy you a drink?"

She smiled mischievously and from that moment everything just flowed pleasently. He didn't think about God or Cas and he knew, he just knew this was what he was looking for. A distraction. Anything not to think.

When he finally found himself being passionately devoured -because that wasn't Just kissing- he couldn't stop picturing blue eyes and dark hair, though. Explosions and world's dying went behind his eyes when he tried to think of something else and he had to gasp. He felt her smirk , thinking she was the reason of it, and press her hands against his chest.

"My motel room is right across the street. How about we move this somewhere more... private?"

Dean blinked. Something was missing. Yes, the proposal was promising. Yes, she was hot as hell and kissed even better than he did -not that he would ever admit it. But something was missing. This wasn't what he really wanted.

He still felt... Sad, hopeless. Helpless. Lonely. Wrong.

And it wasn't as if he deserved comfort. It also wasn't fair to her.

"Sorry", he apologized, pulling away. "I-I gotta go."

She looked at him annoyed, but shook her head as he walked away.

"Your loss." She shouted and shrugged before going back to find another lay for the night.

Dean wanted to throw himself into the pavement and let whatever happened happen. He just wanted to rest. To doze off. To not have to worry about saving the world again. To let someone else do it for once.

He turned back to the bar, ready to start round three in his way to the biggest hangover ever when he saw a glimpse of a trenchcoat again.

"You d-done avoid-ding me, Cas?" He slurred. Immediately, he felt the warmth of Cas's body at his back.

"I'm not-" Dean turned around, ready to harshly interrupt, stopped only by Cas's heavy stare. "Hello, Dean."

"Hi-" He breathed out. He shook his head. He was supposed to be mad. He _was_ mad. "I apologized to you. I explained it to you- I told you how I felt." He continued, voice cracking. "I thought it was water under the bridge. We were okay again."

"Dean..." Cas started.

"Don't Dean me!"

" _Dean._ " Cas gaze softened and he sighed. He lifted his arms and closed them around Dean, pulling him into a hug. "We were never really okay."

Dean looked up, _definitely_ without unshed tears in his eyes. "But I-... Will be ever be?"

Cas pulled him closer, so as if every inch of his body touched. Dean nuzzled his head between Cas's neck and his shoulder, too tall to settle into his chest as he wanted to without bending with an amount of coordination he didn't possess since his fourth beer. Just when he felt himself drifting off into the warm embrace, he heard Cas whisper.

"We can't. I can't... be happy."

Dean frowned, hearing Cas talk as when the said he was afair he was going to kill himself. 

"I'll make you happy." He promised, ignorant to the Empty's deal. Ignorant to the fact that if he ever did, it would be the end of Cas.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a short drabble I wrote when sleep-deprived and touch-starved. Not a good combination. Hope it's fine, though.
> 
> As always, comment and kudos are encouraged.
> 
> Thanks for reading~


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